A friend recently told me that people who want to help the homeless are interested in reading more personal stories about those who are experiencing homelessness. They didn’t know I’ve been posting stories about many of the homeless people we serve at Project417 for several years. It comes with the territory of being a small grassroots organization: how do you get the word out about the challenges faced by people who are homeless? If we tell their stories, how do we distribute them to the widest audience possible? We can blog about them, share them on Facebook, Digg and Reddit and tweet links to the story on Twitter, but there is still no guarantee the information will reach people who have a heart to help. Some are better at the storytelling than I. (Follow @invisiblepeople on Twitter ). Me? I just keep trying to get the word out by writing about my experiences with my homeless friends. I’m expanding on this story – A Girl Named “R” – because it is an example of the terrible circumstances that lead many young girls to end up homeless, living on the street.
I first wrote the story after a volunteer blogged about “R” at the CSMurbanupdate.blogspot.com site, a place where students can describe their inner city volunteering experiences. She wrote about her identified as “R” only to protect her identity.
I met her on the first afternoon we were there. I looked down and realized she had prominent scars all over her arms…
It was particularily moving to me because of the young woman the student met – I’ve known “R” for years. I first met “R” out on the street panhandling with several other homeless youth. I soon got to know her better at a local Out of the Cold program for street youth. “R” has been street involved and homeless since she was thirteen, heading to Toronto to escape the tragedies that befell her in her hometown. She has endured a youth no one should have to face, and she bears scars in deeper places than just her arms.
I’ve celebrated birthdays and Christmas holidays with “R”, but she has no home to host her celebrations. She often conceals the scars on her arms beneath long sleeves, but even then, once she gets to know you, she will push up the sleeves to reveal her pain. From her wrists to well past her inner elbow, her arm is a patchwork of deep, parallel and crisscrossing scars, the result of self-inflicted injury. “R”‘s life on the streets is one of extreme ups and downs, not unlike many others who experience homelessness. Sometimes she finds a place to share with friends or a partner, but it never lasts and she is once again back on the streets. Her life is ravaged by drugs and her drug of choice changes like the spinning of a roulette wheel. Morphine, oxycontin, crystal meth and crack – they all have carved pieces out of her soul.
She has been in and out of jail, first youth offender facilities, and now adult jails and provincial correctional facilities for women. She has been to well respected treatment and recovery centres. When she inevitably returns to the city, (and I have witnessed this now more than once), “R” is a changed person. She is clean – she is healthy – the glow is back on her face and her hair shines. But it’s never more than a few days until she is dragged back under by the street life and the irresistable force exerted by the weight of her painful past. It is terrible to watch this transformation over and over. On release from jail for example, she is provided housing – the type of housing governments everywhere reserve for the chronically homeless, recovering addicts and people with concurrent mental disorders. Halfway houses they call them, or treatment centers or “transitional housing”. Almost all of them are located in the worst areas of inner city Toronto with drug dealers staking out street corners and visiting the houses to lure back old customers. There are any number of crack houses within spitting distance. The system always sends “R” right back to the very street that is trying to kill her.
It is not just a lack of decent housing that causes “R” to fall back to the street. She has taken shelter with loving and caring volunteer families who have opened their homes and asked “R” to be part of the family while she recovered. The pain runs too deep – her disorders inadequately treated – and “R” has to leave. That would be a time when she cuts herself again. She has told me, “Andy, I just want to feel something. When I cut myself, I can feel again for a little while, but the drugs…with them I can’t feel a thing…”.
I met a psychiatrist while I was working in New Orleans who works in Chicago’s inner city with troubled youth. We spoke about “R”. He told me the significance of scars due self-inflicted cuts: it is a major indicator of the victims of childhood sexual abuse. He told me that more than 90% of youth who suffer from “self harm or self-injury” are victims of childhood sexual assault and abuse. The illness is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a symptom of borderline personality disorder and depressive disorders and described as, “sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse including emotional abuse and sexual abuse …”. A study in 2003 found an extremely high prevalance of self-injury among 428 homeless and runaway youth (age 16 to 19) with 72% of males and 66% of females reporting a past history of self-mutilation. [Tyler, Kimberly A., Les B. Whitbeck, Dan R. Hoyt, and Kurt D. Johnson (2003), “Self Mutilation and Homeless Youth: The Role of Family Abuse, Street Experiences, and Mental Disorders”, Journal of Research on Adolescence 13 (4): 457–474] .
In my recent post, What do you think is the root cause of homelessness? Part 4, I wrote: “A study by Heather Larkin of the University of Albany – shows the link between Adverse Childhood Experiences – ACE – and homelessness. From her study –
More than 85 percent of the homeless respondents reported having experienced at least one of 10 categories of adverse childhood experiences (ACE). Many (52.4 percent) had experienced more than four categories of traumatic events when growing up. … There is a high ACE prevalence among the homeless people in this study. Individuals with high ACE scores may be more vulnerable to economic downturns and cultural oppression, a person-environment interaction increasing the likelihood of homelessness. Service responses focused on identifying and addressing childhood traumas hold an opportunity for addressing ACEs before they contribute to homelessness.
I include this technical background because although “R” is now a young woman, she has been on the street since she was a child in more than one Canadian city. Many more people than our organization have become familiar with her. This would have included coming to the “official” attention of the authorities both while she was a child and as an adult. “R” is definitely “in” the system that is supposed to help her. Why has everyone been so ineffective in helping her, how has she remained homeless for so long? As a teen, “R” was labeled by society as a “runaway” with all of the negative connotations that carries. In effect, most people would write her off as the author of her own condition. Far from it. “R” is a victim. She deserves better. Hell, dogs deserve better than “R” has been handed.
I met her once on a street corner in Toronto, Spadina and Queen, where she was panhandling. She was in particularily bad shape that day, very high from her drug of choice at the time, which was making her slur her words almost to the point of incoherence and made her body twitch uncontrollably like a scarecrow on strings. When I arrived, she dragged herself up from the foot of the light pole she was leaning against and, arms wide, asked for the only thing she has ever requested of me – a hug. Not the little, hihowareyou hugs we deliver in polite company, but a great big, bone crushing, head burying HUG.! It always cheers her up. Standing to one side were two semi-official looking people with those City of Toronto ID cards hanging around their necks. One had flashes from a private security company on his shoulders. He was “protection” for the other – a city worker carrying a clipboard. They were part of a new task force set-up by the city of Toronto’s Streets 2 Homes program to reduce panhandling and homelessness. They were trying to interview “R” by asking her a very long list of canned questions. They seemed oblivious to her state, as if she could be coherent while jonesin for the next fix. After our hug, she turned to them and said, “I can’t talk to you now, Andy’s here. He saved my life”. After we talked for a while and I encouraged her to head for a woman’s shelter down the street, I left and went into a store at the corner to buy her bottled water. Her lips were cracked and bleeding she was so dehydrated. As I brought it back to her, the city social worker was back at it again, making little check marks on her clipboard survey. How those little pen strokes were supposed to bring healing to “R”, I’ll never know. She certainly deserves better. I still hear her saying, “he saved my life”, in the small hours of the night when I can’t sleep, thinking of the hopelessness faced by my homeless friends. I hear it and know in my heart – I haven’t saved “R”. She’s still lost and that hurts. She recognizes and loves the people who love her back, but why can’t we save her?
I wish I had a happy ending to the story of a girl named “R” to tell you. But I don’t. I’ve lost track of her in this patchwork quilt system that serves the homeless. The last time I saw here, she visited our Wednesday night community dinner in the Bloor Lansdowne neighborhood. She was happy to have just got housed in a transitional home for women right across the street. She showed me a small white bible in a lovely cedar box that she’d just received as a gift. She was straight – she was clean – she was healthy – the glow was back on her face and her hair was shining. She was smiling and, before she left, she offered up one more bone crunching hug. The last I saw her she was walking up Bloor Street with purpose and hope. Later that night, she got into a fight with one of the other residents of the transitional home. The police were called and “R” ran before they got there. I’ve not seen her since.

UPDATE: January 8, 2019 – Tragically Crystal passed away this week. She was loved.
Jan.8, 2019 – My heart is breaking to tell you that Crystal died this week after becoming trapped inside a clothing donation bin and losing consciousness in downtown Toronto. You can find out more at the CBC news report ~Andy
If you want to help young girls like “R” overcome homelessness, contact me here, or on Twitter @canayjun
And join the #Whyhomeless Movement on Twitter. Connect with me @canayjun and send out tweets on homelessness issues with the hashtag #Whyhomeless. Join us for our next meeting in Toronto – or start your own movement in your own neighborhood. The root cause of homelessness is about more than just jobs and housing. There is a brokenness in our communities that only your love can start to heal.
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Knox Dinner and Food Bank for Homeless Street Youth
The Roots of the Knox Youth Dinner & Food Bank
Formerly: Knox Toronto – First Nations Gospel Assembly – Out of the Cold Program
Many people ask me just what types of programs and services, other than our nightly street sandwich runs to the homeless, that Project417 operates in Toronto. One of the most amazing programs in the city is the Knox Youth Dinner & Foodbank that runs every winter from November to April on Tuesday nights. The Knox program was a joint grassroots effort of our director Joe Elkerton and a group of willing Knox volunteers headed by Vicki and Bill Wood. The program is entirely operated by Knox now – and that is Project417’s vision, to mobilize community groups to establish sustainable services for the homeless. Personally, I’ve helped with the program for over six years and more than half a dozen Project417 team leaders show up every week to help the other volunteers.
It’s where I have made friends with dozens of Toronto street youth like the girl named ‘R’. In 2008 I was invited to join a “street family”. This is a family unit (as opposed to gangs) formed by homeless and underhoused kids out on the streets to replace their traditional families – to care for each other, watch each other’s backs, advocate for family members, share shelter, food, information and income. This “family” was the largest of its kind in Canada. My friends Mick and Ozz nominated me at a family meeting and I was the first to be unanimously voted in. They are my people, my little brothers and sisters – I love every one of them. Many are housed now, working, finishing high school, studying at university and raising their own families. It all started out on the streets of Toronto, and Tuesday nights at Knox.
History:
On December 9, 1997, the congregation of Knox church, in conjunction with First Nations’ Gospel Assembly, opened its doors for the first time to the homeless and poor street youth in Toronto, following the Out of the Cold program model. The idea for the program came from Joe Elkerton of First Nations’ Gospel Assembly – a church program of Ekklesia Inner City Ministries – Project417 (for native peoples). Joe approached us at Knox after having to close a program at another downtown church after less than a full season. Joe was familiar with the Out of the Cold (OOTC) philosophy and program format, and with a long-time ministry to homeless street youth and First Nations aboriginals, felt there was a need for a similar program targeting street youth specifically. The youth tend to feel uncomfortable at adult shelters. At the same time, a small group of us at Knox were looking at ways our church could expand its work in its own community.
We started as a pilot program in two ways: Knox Toronto Session approved a one-year pilot, and our program was submitted as a new church member of Out of the Cold for one year. Almost immediately upon starting this program, we learned that a youth program is not the same as an adult Out of the Cold program.
For one thing, we couldn’t expect to simply open our doors and wait for street kids to come to us. We had to build some trust first. So for the first year we would have volunteers with Project417 out in a van handing out sandwiches and inviting kids to come to Knox. The need for such a place soon became apparent, as just about everyone who came once became a regular, and told their friends. On our first night we fed 10 youth and six slept the night. By that February, we were averaging 35 guests per night. (Now we serve more than one hundred youth).
We continued the Project417 van runs to deliver food to people outside and to youth who still didn’t want to come inside for the night. It gave us a presence on the street and also helped show our volunteers where our guests come from, which really helped them to relate to the kids.
Another difference: we had planned to serve an early evening meal at a set time, and then move on to quiet activities and then sleeping time, But we soon found that our young guests were not always prepared to come in for the night right at our opening time. Our vision of a big family-style sit down meal for everyone had to be re-arranged a little. Now we serve dinner at 6:30 for all guests and volunteers who are there, but kids trickle in throughout the night, and are welcome to eat whenever they are ready.
Activities we offer at Knox include: basketball, games, bowling (we need volunteers to help set the pins in our two-lane bowling alley), movies, hair colouring and haircuts, bingo, chess, lots of home made desserts, popcorn and conversation. Recent additions include a couple of donated guitars that the kids like to use, and we have initiated bi-weekly music nights, where a couple of volunteers bring in an amp and mics and guitars and drums and welcome any of the kids to join in an impromptu concert. We also have a volunteer set up a sewing table with sewing machine, repairing clothing and teaching anyone who wants to learn. Often we have arts and crafts, which is quite popular. If we have the extra hands, we’ll offer foot baths/massages. We have a community nurse on duty. Our volunteers range in ages from 14 to 82. More than half have been volunteering for more than five years.
For several years, employees from the Royal Bank Financial Group made it possible for us to extend the Knox program to two nights. That partnership worked very well and we are so thankful for their participation, but RBC downsizing and resultant loss of volunteers caused that extra evening program to be cancelled. If any group is interested in starting a similar program, the space is available and we would be happy to offer any help possible!
Quite a few of the regulars just like to talk to whoever will listen. We feel the most valuable thing we offer is a safe place where they can be themselves for the night, ask for whatever they want and share their stories (true or not!). As of three years ago, many of the youth began to get housed through the Streets2Homes program and the number of youth staying overnight grew less. As a result, the Out-of-the-Cold “overnight” portion was shut down until the need increased.
The program has evolved for those youth – many with no income or low income and sharing “under-housed” conditions – into the current Knox Youth Dinner and weekly Foodbank:
Everyone is fed a hot, home-cooked meal (we serve restaurant style and volunteers are encouraged to join the youth at table to share a meal also) and given a bag of groceries. The new season opens November 3, 2009. We need your help to once again keep the shelves stocked. Please consider buying one extra item during your weekly shopping. Items needed include:
While food is the most practical and effective help you can provide, we also accept donations of plastic and cloth shopping bags, clean plastic lidded containers and clean lidded jars. We also accept socks, underware, jeans, winter coats and boots.
More than 100 youth are served every week – Tuesday nights from 6:30 til 9pm. Consider volunteering.
( The original version of this history, by program coordinator Vicki Wood, appeared on the website of Knox Church at http://www.knoxtoronto.org and the Missionlog’s GeoCities site. ) Enjoy the photos!
Me and my brother, James
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Filed under: Advocacy, Art, Blogs, BREAKING News, charity, Christianity, church, Culture, Disaster Relief, Food & Drink, health, homelessness, Life, News, News Commentary, non-profit, People, Photos, youth | Tagged: andy, canada, city, cold, dinner, donate, elkerton, feed, food, food bank, foodbank, gang, groceries, help, homeless, homelessness, housing, hungry, kids, knox, meal, Out of the Cold, Outofthecold, over night, poverty, project417, soup kitchen, street, street to home, streets2homes, toronto, volunteer, winter, young, youth | 3 Comments »